|
There is not one person for whom living in an abusive environment is ideal. It is a horrible and scary way to live and often we deny to ourselves that the environment is an abusive one. We often call it other things and justify to ourselves that though elements of the relationship may be abusive the relationship as a whole is not. What we often fail to recognize is that if parts of the relationship are abusive, then the relationship itself is defined as an abusive relationship.
These tips assume that you recognize that you are in an abusive situation, and ways to live safely until you decide to leave.
If at all possible try not to be in the kitchen or bathroom when fights occur. If the situation is starting to get out of control and you are in one of these rooms, try and maneuver your way into another room. There are always a number of utensils in both these rooms (knives, razors, letter openers) that can be used to cause even greater damage, as well as the fact that there is generally only one route of escape.
On the same note try and keep all counters clear of sharp objects or heavy items like bowls.
Try never to be backed into a corner, and always try to be in a room with more than one exit. If the worst comes to the worst, at least you can run out of the room.
If your phone can be programmed, set it up to speed dial the police dept and teach your children how to use this function. It is imperative that your children know who to contact in an emergency and how to reach them.
Speak to your children about what is happening. Explain it is neither the right way to live nor is it their fault. Tell them if they hear a fight starting to never get involved. They must not try and stop the abuser as the violence might very well be turned on them, and you may be in no state to prevent them getting hurt. It is your job as a parent to protect them at all costs. Remember you stay in the situation by choice; they are there because they can’t leave without you.
Ensure you keep a spare set of house keys, car keys, post box keys, clothes for the children and yourself, important documents (identity documents, copies of mortgage papers and insurance papers) and as much money as you can afford at a friend's house. This will ensure that when and if you ever leave in a big hurry you will at least have some clothes and a little money, so you won’t be completely destitute.
Although this may sound macabre make sure your will is in order and that in the case of your death there is enough documented evidence of the abuse to ensure your children are not left in the custody of the abuser. Every time there is a fight report it even if you don’t want the criminal to be prosecuted. Make sure the police take photos of any damage, be it to yourself, an animal or a possession, and keep these statements and pictures in a safety deposit box. Only authorize it to be opened for yourself or a trusted friend or relative.
The most important thing to remember is that the abuse is not your fault. Speak to a local domestic violence shelter, they can help you with accommodation, money, legal advice and in getting a job, should you be unemployed and should you decide to leave. No one should have to live in fear. The abuser has no right to hurt or terrorize you and though it seems you have no way out, remember it is better to live on your own than exist as somebody else’s punching bag. More people than you think have been in this situation and managed to leave starting with literally nothing, but you can do it, you can walk away, you do not have to live in terror.
| 
