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Many people make friends, only to lose them to emotional or mental distance, or by senseless arguments. It takes tact, mental and emotional discipline, and tolerance to avoid the kinds of distances and disagreements which so often lead the best of friends to the bitterest of ends. While by no means a guarantee for always having the perfect friendship, these few simple points can be the difference between a friend and an enemy:
#1: Be someone who can be turned to in times of crisis. This is so very important, and so often the one people fail at. Being a friend sometimes means putting someone else before yourself, especially when they are experiencing a crisis.
#2: Always encourage the best, but never expect perfection. Too many times, people will try for the unreachable, and fall flat. Be ready to dust them off and congratulate their achievement, rather than belittle them for their failures.
#3: Believe in their goodness. So often, friends begin a fight that becomes a feud over lack of trust, because one assumes that the other is somehow bad, usually because some third party has been making trouble. Always be willing to believe the friend, first.
#4: Keep an open mind. Sadly, many friendships go awry when people discover that their friend has some facet they are biased about. If the friendship is important at all, then put aside petty differences in race, religion, or creed. None of those should matter.
#5: Don’t make money the deciding issue. There is nothing worse than a friendship based entirely on greed. A friend shouldn’t be chosen on the size of their bank account, but rather on the size of your heart.
#6: Don’t make appearance the focus of friendship. A person’s height, weight, or other physical characteristics should never be the reason behind a friendship. If you can’t accept the person for who they are on the inside, rather than the outside, then beginning a friendship is certain to end in disaster.
#7: Never turn your back on a friend. Too many times, people make friends, only to turn elsewhere as the fancy takes them, or at the slightest provoking. To be a true friend, the skill of listening to the other side of the story becomes an important part of the equation. If you can’t listen, you can’t learn, and if you don’t learn, you never grow, inside.
#8: Trust your friend when they open their past and heart to you, and be willing to return the favour.
#9: Never gossip about a friend’s confidences. There is nothing that ruins a friendship easier than loose lips. What is said in confidence is just that - confidential.
#10: Be kind to others. We reap what we sow, as the saying goes, and the more kindness you show toward others, the more likely they’ll want to be your friend.
#11: Don’t be overly critical. Too many people today constantly second-guess and critique every move their friends make. This only leads to fostered resentment, and eventual fighting. Instead, only criticise when it is to the benefit of the person being critiqued, and do so in such a time and manner to not cause them embarrassment.
#12: Maintain a positive attitude whenever possible. No one likes a grumpy person, and a pessimist just brings everyone down. Try to remain upbeat when you can.
#13: Be willing to give. Sometimes, it is when friends are most in need that people forget about them, muttering such common phrases as “it’s not my problem.” In the case of a friendship, however, nothing could be further from the truth. Learn to give, whether it be money when a friend is in dire straits, or advice, when it is solicited, or even the hard truth when it is called for.
#14: Think for yourself, rather than of yourself. No one can help someone else if they spend so much time thinking about themselves that someone else ends up making their decisions for them.
#15: Be strong, steady, and flexible. People often emulate what they admire, and a person who can withstand crises of their own, yet still reach out to help and accept others unconditionally, can inspire the same in someone they’ve helped in the past. That is a sure road to a lasting friendship.
#16: Don’t succumb to bias and prejudice. Sometimes, people discard new theories and ideas based on their own beliefs, and refuse to even consider that it might be valid and right for someone else, even if it isn’t for them. By learning to accept these things as a part of your friend, you take a sure step toward earning their complete trust and respect.
In short, it is not how we mould others to our own ideals of friendship that keep a friendship alive, but rather how we mould ourselves to acceptance and assistance. By following these steps to self-improvement, the world becomes a clearer, brighter place.
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